big_damn_hero: ([Big Damn Hero] You Can't Take The Sky F)
Most life-changing decision I ever made? Once upon a time, might’ve said it was signing on to fight a war. ‘Nother time, I might’ve said losing that war changed my life more ‘n anything.

And while I have to say that finding a rundown little Firefly class boat in a shipyard nigh on a decade ago did a lot to change my life, it was two things she brought me that really changed my life in ways I never thought was possible.

First was a strange little girl with a few screws loose in her skull...screws the Alliance loosened. Now I’ll be the first to admit, River’s a real nice girl...she’s just crazy. And I ain’t one to hold that against her...not when it ain’t her fault. Alliance ain’t but a bunch of liars and con men, and even smart folk can get swindled. She got hers tricked away from her, and that ain’t none of her doing.

That addlepated little waif shoved me into more gorram mess than a man, woman, or child could or *should* ever be fixed to handle. Some of it was necessary...some of it wasn’t. But all of it changed me. Changed how I thought...changed what I felt, the way I went about my day. Some of those changes were for the better, and some weren’t...but they made me who I am today.

And for better or for worse...I like that man fine. And not many can say that in this or any other lifetime.

[private]

Only one other decision ever changed my life noticeably...and that was the day I fired my mechanic and hired Inara Serra.

[/private]

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 281
big_damn_hero: ([Emote] Still Free)
She’s trouble on two very fine legs that, at the moment, were propped up on the edge of the table in the dining area. Trouble walking...Mal knew it the very first day he met her.

Well...maybe the second day, truth to tell. The first day, he was too distracted by Bester’s stupidity and naked backside, Inara’s own rather pleasant state of nudity, and the relief of finally being skybound once again.

But the next day, all it took was a few minutes of standing in the engine room...a place that had once been part of his rickety little kingdom transformed into a land where she ruled with an iron fist and a gentle touch. He knew right then that she was trouble and nothing but.

And yet she turned his head so hard, sometimes he forgot which was right and left or up and down.

Getting involved with them that were in his employ was tacky, not to mention dangerous. Mal knew it, and that’s why he’d managed to avoid that eventuality thus far.

But still, in moments like this...when he was caught in a doorway, unseen, and she in an easy moment, unaware...it was easy to forget for just a little while. In those moments, he wondered what it might be like...to touch her, to taste her, maybe even put a grav boot on that restless ship before she could fly away again.

But then she saw....felt him somehow, and with a turn of her head and a coy, dark smile delivered with an instinct that would have made her a hell of a Companion, it all melted into a warm puddle of nothing.

It brought upon him the worst part of forgetting: the moment when you finally remember.

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 297
big_damn_hero: ([Big Damn Hero] You Can't Take The Sky F)
Now I ain’t a man given to tomfoolery or messin’ about on my boat. Most days, it’s too serious a matter just gettin’ by in the black, and pranks ain’t exactly what I’d call productive. Still, probably most in the times when you start to understand why a man might get so far gone he’d go wild like them Reavers done, jokes and the like are a downright necessity.

So to answer yer question...yes. I’ve pulled my share of pranks and no good, given that I’ve been in my fair share of life and death situations...fightin’ in the war and survivin’ in a world like mine. Too often we get to that point...where we’re either gonna laugh or shoot ourselves in the head.

And lemme tell ya, for a man ain’t prone to jokes, I’ve pulled some doozies...everything from knotting ol’ Doc Sutton’s boot laces together in a foxhole to writing dirty limericks on some of Inara’s calligraphy stationary when she ain’t lookin’. But the best...the top of my game was the day Simon and his sister first boarded my little boat and I told him Kaylee was dead after he’d busted hisself savin’ her life.

Now lookin’ back, I done seen the error of my ways...it was wrong of me to do. It was mean, and cruel, and just plain wrong.

But holy hell, was it ever *funny.*

And if I want to be honest with myself, after lookin’ in on her and seein’ she was gonna live that day...I reckon I was more ‘n a little giddy with relief, not to mention damn surprised. Think I felt so damn unsettled ‘cause I figgered she was gone...but not on Dr. Tam’s watch.

[private]

I’ll never say it to his face if I can help it...but the boy’s got a rare gift. And I’m always gonna be grateful for that, ‘cause losin’ a smile like Kaylee’s would be a damn crime if ever there was one.

[/private]

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 335
big_damn_hero: (Mal Pensive)
Am I a lucky fella? Reckon I am...though that opinion tends to change depending on the day...and on the job. Don’t feel all that lucky when work is slim, or when folks don’t pay what they promise. Those are the worst days...when someone gets it in their head to try and stiff us, and ain’t no matter how the standoff goes, we get humped in the end.

I ain’t so lucky those days, by my opinion.

Still...there’s other days. Job goes smooth and lemme tell ya, those occasions are few and gorram far between, we all get paid...fuel enough for a while, plenty to eat...hell, maybe something ‘sides protein. Those are the days when the world’s as it ought to be. I feel pretty durn lucky those days, in general.

Ain’t much better than that as a rule, and I work damn ruttin’ hard to make sure it don’t get no worse...but there are days. Not when it’s that low, but when the spirits lift a mite above just lucky, or even damn lucky. There’s the days you feel lucky to be alive...beatin’ back Death or something bigger. Takin’ on a monster wouldn’t otherwise be imagined into being if you hadn’t seen it with yer own two peepers.

Me and my crew? We’ve had us a few of those...and I’ll tell you right now, lotsa folks don’t hardly get a single day like that in their lives. Me...I’ve seen more ‘n one. Everyone on Serenity has, ‘cause those days have happened to us all. Us...we done the things couldn’t be done, if you listen to folks. Big things, little things...we won battles was impossible to win. Heart of Gold...Miranda...hell, even puttin’ one over on ol’ Yolanda Bridget Saffron YoSaffBridge.

And that one thing does make me consider myself one of the lucky folk. I got a chance to prove my mettle and I didn’t back down.

But most of all..when I toed that line, I was luckier ‘n most...’cause when I did it, I wasn’t alone.

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 353
big_damn_hero: (Mal Grace Is Gone)
Folks say that self-preservation’s one of them base instinct things...part of you that yer just born with, like an animal’s born to hunt and eat. That it keeps a fella alive when all else might make him do some fool thing like get hisself killed.

I’m here to tell ya that’s a jung chi duh go-se dway...I ain’t gonna deny that self-preservation’s instinct, and damn powerful, but it don’t trump all. Never has, never will. Ain’t all of it is inborn, after all...just a bit. The rest comes from what’s around you...growing up, bein’ raised with the idea that your life’s more important than anyone else’s. The notion that survival’s all there is.

During the war, men died senselessly...but they didn’t die for no reason. They died better ‘n the opposition did...eyes wide open, with a belief in freedom from a government that wanted us all buttoned down and fit to profile, dong ma? They wanted better for themselves and their own...and they gave their lives for it.

So you riddle me this...if it’s so gorram ingrained to save yer own hide ‘stead of letting a buncha ruttin’ pigs like the Alliance own you, or letting a friend die at the hands of a killer, or even protecting yer child from them that’d do him harm...why ain’t there more live saints ‘stead of a buncha dead martyrs?

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 237

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February 2011

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