big_damn_hero

Most life-changing decision I ever made? Once upon a time, might’ve said it was signing on to fight a war. ‘Nother time, I might’ve said losing that war changed my life more ‘n anything.

And while I have to say that finding a rundown little Firefly class boat in a shipyard nigh on a decade ago did a lot to change my life, it was two things she brought me that really changed my life in ways I never thought was possible.

First was a strange little girl with a few screws loose in her skull...screws the Alliance loosened. Now I’ll be the first to admit, River’s a real nice girl...she’s just crazy. And I ain’t one to hold that against her...not when it ain’t her fault. Alliance ain’t but a bunch of liars and con men, and even smart folk can get swindled. She got hers tricked away from her, and that ain’t none of her doing.

That addlepated little waif shoved me into more gorram mess than a man, woman, or child could or *should* ever be fixed to handle. Some of it was necessary...some of it wasn’t. But all of it changed me. Changed how I thought...changed what I felt, the way I went about my day. Some of those changes were for the better, and some weren’t...but they made me who I am today.

And for better or for worse...I like that man fine. And not many can say that in this or any other lifetime.

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Only one other decision ever changed my life noticeably...and that was the day I fired my mechanic and hired Inara Serra.

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Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 281

Now I ain’t a man given to tomfoolery or messin’ about on my boat. Most days, it’s too serious a matter just gettin’ by in the black, and pranks ain’t exactly what I’d call productive. Still, probably most in the times when you start to understand why a man might get so far gone he’d go wild like them Reavers done, jokes and the like are a downright necessity.

So to answer yer question...yes. I’ve pulled my share of pranks and no good, given that I’ve been in my fair share of life and death situations...fightin’ in the war and survivin’ in a world like mine. Too often we get to that point...where we’re either gonna laugh or shoot ourselves in the head.

And lemme tell ya, for a man ain’t prone to jokes, I’ve pulled some doozies...everything from knotting ol’ Doc Sutton’s boot laces together in a foxhole to writing dirty limericks on some of Inara’s calligraphy stationary when she ain’t lookin’. But the best...the top of my game was the day Simon and his sister first boarded my little boat and I told him Kaylee was dead after he’d busted hisself savin’ her life.

Now lookin’ back, I done seen the error of my ways...it was wrong of me to do. It was mean, and cruel, and just plain wrong.

But holy hell, was it ever *funny.*

And if I want to be honest with myself, after lookin’ in on her and seein’ she was gonna live that day...I reckon I was more ‘n a little giddy with relief, not to mention damn surprised. Think I felt so damn unsettled ‘cause I figgered she was gone...but not on Dr. Tam’s watch.

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I’ll never say it to his face if I can help it...but the boy’s got a rare gift. And I’m always gonna be grateful for that, ‘cause losin’ a smile like Kaylee’s would be a damn crime if ever there was one.

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Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 335

Folks say that self-preservation’s one of them base instinct things...part of you that yer just born with, like an animal’s born to hunt and eat. That it keeps a fella alive when all else might make him do some fool thing like get hisself killed.

I’m here to tell ya that’s a jung chi duh go-se dway...I ain’t gonna deny that self-preservation’s instinct, and damn powerful, but it don’t trump all. Never has, never will. Ain’t all of it is inborn, after all...just a bit. The rest comes from what’s around you...growing up, bein’ raised with the idea that your life’s more important than anyone else’s. The notion that survival’s all there is.

During the war, men died senselessly...but they didn’t die for no reason. They died better ‘n the opposition did...eyes wide open, with a belief in freedom from a government that wanted us all buttoned down and fit to profile, dong ma? They wanted better for themselves and their own...and they gave their lives for it.

So you riddle me this...if it’s so gorram ingrained to save yer own hide ‘stead of letting a buncha ruttin’ pigs like the Alliance own you, or letting a friend die at the hands of a killer, or even protecting yer child from them that’d do him harm...why ain’t there more live saints ‘stead of a buncha dead martyrs?

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 237

( He wasn`t quite sure if she was aware that he was watching her or not, but right then Mal didn`t much give a good gorram. )

And while you wallow in your wounds
You let the devils draw near
One more mile is all we have
You got nothing to fear

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words (w/o lyrics): 529

Well, my thoughts on cheating is fairly clear and uncomplicated-like...you ask anybody that knows me, Malcolm Reynolds is a man of honesty and integrity. ‘Less you’re a lyin’ two-bit gan ni niang, then whether or not you get a taste of the better side of my nature’s left to my whimsy.

I don’t believe in cheatin’ anybody, man or woman...not for any reason at any time. It don’t come with the package of bein’ an outlaw, or even an evil person. I’ve seen evil in a man...tasted it, felt its touch on my skin and its blade in my body, and I know that even an evil man can deal honest one on one. Even evil can be reasonable...because real evil, true evil, thinks that it’s good and acts as such. You can count on it to behave a certain way, and to do so without a single bit of failure.

Real evil don’t cheat...’cause to cheat would mean doin’ that which is against its very nature. A good man’s got no reason to cheat. It’s them that dwell in the middle...don’t know where they stand and don’t much care that are the folks who are like to pull a swindle.

In a way, I conjure that the good Shepherd was right on that...a man who believes in something is purt near unbeatable. It’s the big things that make a difference, but the little things...well, I suppose they make just as big a difference in another sorta way.

Cheatin’s just another way of changing yer mind...and doing a wrong by someone in the process. The folks who know what they is, or even think they know...good or bad? They’ll never deal you a swindle ‘cause they got that belief...convictions, I suppose. The rest...they ain’t got nothin’, not even a law to mind themselves, much less others.

I don’t believe in much...but I do believe in not cheatin’ a man. Don’t rightly know where that puts me, with morals and such...but at least I know where I stand somewhere in this crazy ‘verse.

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 357

The world was powerful dark all ‘round him, but it was a good sort of darkness...kind that came at the beginning.

With drugs in his borrowed blood and a good deal of battle fatigue making him feel rather lazy and relaxed-like, Mal could recall the purifying fire without any apprehension or fear...even the tight, thin cold of fading oxygen was distant and detached, something other that had happened years...centuries ago, and to another man.

He came powerful close there...nearly blew his first real chance at a life after the war, and his second chance at life in general. That’s what SERENITY had been...and that’s why he’d taken on what crew he had. Zoe’d been looking for hers and found it in Wash...little Kaylee got her first real chance at much of anything but life on a washed-up moon...even Jayne had a fresh start on Mal’s rickety little boat.

Book...River...Simon...Inara...they needed clean slates, too. Was the main reason Mal let ‘em board and stay, not just ‘cause Simon was a bang up doc or his sister was a helpless fong luh ninny. Inara...she paid her rent, but she had her own ghosts to run from, it was fair clear to see, and Mal saw her a lot more than he’d have liked to.

And the Shepherd...well, he knew how Mal felt about men of God.

But he was starting fresh now, in his mind...they all was. They’d be there when he woke up from whatever else Simon had to do to the gunshot in his belly.

Not a one, but all. Serenity.

All her parts.

All her people.

Muse: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Words: 282